Friday, 12 February 2010

Something Kinda Ooh

I've just woken up from a dream where I was having a sneaky kiss with Kimberley Walsh.  Pretty nice dream you might think.  The only problem was that Cheryl Cole and Nicola Roberts knew my fiance and I was terrified they were going to grass.  Guess it was guilt that woke me up.  Any Freudian analysts out there want to offer their thoughts?

Now I'm wondering why it was Kimberley I was fantasising about.  I always thought it would be Cole, despite those bloody awful L'Oreal ads.  Now I come to think about it Cheryl saying 'Weak? Limp? Lifeless?' is a bit too close to the idea of a fantasy going awfully wrong for my liking.  Imagine actually getting the Geordie sexpot to the point where she's up for it and having those words ringing round your cranium.  Not exactly going to fill you with confidence is it? 

But Kimberley, why her?  I think it's because Cole is just too damn showbiz these days.  She's thrown her lot in with Cowell and pretty much elbowed Posh out of regular appearances in the red tops.  It's probably not long before America will fall at her feet, if they can understand her accent.  Kimberley seems a bit more relaxed, not so fame hungry and most important of all, she's got the kind of figure that suggests she doesn't have an eating disorder: she's got hips.  And lips.  Yum.  Coyle's too bony and lets face it, if Jesse Metcalfe's not handsome enough for her, my fizzog ain't going to cut it.  Harding's going to outdrink you and be funnier than you in the pub - no bloke wants that.  And Nicola, well I'm not going to say the thing that everyone else says about her.  I've never been out with a Ginge but I've definitely fancied a few.  Its her accent that does my head in but that's probably down to the fact that I'm mentally scarred by working with the Art Director at Live magazine.

So: lovely Kimberley.  I was going to write something about Valentine's Day this week but we've all played the 'Who Do We Fancy Most out of Girls Aloud' game haven't we (or if you're a girl, 'Which One Would You Have as a Mate?' - its usually Harding)?  I've got a good story about Valentine's which involves me thinking it was alright to meet a female friend of mine on the day as my girlfriend had given me the impression she thought it was all a load of Hallmark rubbish.  Oh how wrong I was.  Boy I learned a lesson that day.  But I'll save that for another time.


  1. I'm not sure a girl would tend to choose Harding...I'd choose Cole all the way (mainly because I'd love to look like her!). Does that make me abnormal??

  2. Great analysis of the merits of the GA ladies - made me laugh out loud. I'd definately hang out with Harding, she might be more trustworthy around the toilet attendants. I would however never, ever believe a woman's protests when she says she doesn't believe in Valentine's hype - school boy error!

  3. It had to be something saucy to get you out of bed that early mate ;¬)

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