Feedback from the Guardian

The best thing about this was getting constructive feedback.  I'm here to learn.

Hi Rosie

I called yesterday to see if you needed a review of Spiritualized at 
the RFH and you told me you had commissioned one.  I thought your 
review was pretty good but mine was at least as good.  Its here;

http://www.caniwriteforaliving.blogspot.com/

I'd be interested to see what you think and please think of me should 
you need anything else reviewed.

Regards,

Lee Mannion

Hi Lee,

Have to say your email did the trick in getting my attention, as stating that your own review is just as good as Maddy's is quite bold. And If I'm honest, not true.

Maddy's opening lines very succinctly capture exactly what is so special about Ladies and Gentlemen, which in itself sets the reader up to understand why this gig is extraordinary. She is able to capture the pros and cons of the evening in one paragraph, before delivering her final verdict.

I think your review is far too descriptive and too long. Instead of explaining why, you simply state that it is a special occasion and leave mention of the album till paragraph two. You need to work on your tenses "so there would be no room for anything less than perfection when it came to hearing this one live. If Jason felt the weight of expectation, he didn’t show it." And you need to trim the fat. You make plenty of valid points but not all of them are interesting. Judging by your final paragraph, both you and Maddy seemed to have been left with the same impression of the show. I like the personal touch you give the review, but then Maddy wouldn't be able to use "I" in her piece.

I like the title of your blog a lot, what a great idea. I thought the bit about Samantha in your Sex in the City post was very funny, and I'm sorry to hear your bank is being such a bastard.

Hope my criticism doesn't offend you, the first rule of trying to be a writer is that it takes a lot of practice and a lot of constructive criticism to get good.

all the best, Rosie