|I'm making one of these for myself this weekend.|
I often ask my partner 'What's the difference between a reason and an excuse?' (this pops up a lot when we argue, funnily enough). No one would say, I'm guessing, that I shouldn't spend more quality time with her rather than watching the telly or fannying about on Twitter. The point is, my only real reason to write is in the hope of freedom. I spend so much time in front of the laptop now in the hope that, in the future, all that time invested will have left me with a life where I can write a few hours a day and then have all the rest of the day to do what the hell I like. All too often though, I forget that and occasionally I need to be reminded. It's at times like these that I need a kick up the arse.
My wife to be is good at this. God knows I don't like hearing it (I feel ashamed, like when I used to get told off by the teachers at school). We're getting married, we live in a one bedroom flat that is struggling to contain all our shit and we're both hitting 40 this year. I need to be a provider, both for her and, should we be lucky enough at our age, for a child that comes along. And that child will need to be inspired by the choices that I made - it won't want a father that too regularly comes home frustrated and embittered because he was too scared to try and get the things that he wanted. Scared to fail mostly. A worry that, in the light of a short existence of 80 years give or take, seems ridiculous.
As a footnote on failure, I would also like to say thanks to an old friend who spotted that I had failed to keep to the resolution in my last post. Like I said, sometimes I need the kick up the arse. Thanks Sam.