The Great Twitter Portwit Project

The photographer Chris Floyd has made a great film about his Twitter Portwit project.  I think I've written before on here about how the nature of friendship is changing due to Facebook and Twitter.  Chris is very articulate on the subject - if you click the headline above you can read about his reasons for investigating. Whether you think Twitter is 'A huge free-flowing endless conversation with lots of witty, intelligent people' or just a lot of people posting inanities about their daily life, you should find something that will interest you.  You can find the video here.  And if you get to about 8 minutes in, you'll hear me talking about 'false electronic intimacy'.

Anyway, I was lucky enough to be a part of the project and Chris' portwit (portraits of wits? I don't know) of me is here.  Never had my photo taken by a pro before don't think, bar the odd candid taken by Stephen Perry.  I've got my favourite shirt on and I've got no idea what I was talking about that made me put my hands up by my head like that.  I honestly wasn't doing the Steps dance to 'Tragedy'.  Honest.  In other news, Square Mile commissioned me to write about Microfinance Institutions.  They're not charity in the traditional sense.  They loan small amounts to businesses in the developing world so that people can make a living for themselves.  Loaning to some of the poorest people globally is not without its controversies of course.  You can read the feature here.

The Hamster Wheel of Procrastination

The truth is, I'm nowhere near writing for a living.  As much as I'd like it to finance my life, writing is more like a hobby for the time being.  I've got financial commitments; I've got rent to pay, I've got a wedding to save for and London is an expensive city.  Even going out for a pint these days burns a hole in your pocket.  So what I do for the sake of a regular wage, five days a week, is get up and go to work on one of the photo desks at Associated Newspapers.  Phew, that's a weight off.  Maybe I'll become Catholic - the confessing sure feels good.  I don't feel alone either.  My suspicion is that quite a few of us are doing something for money while wishing we were doing something else.  Not that that makes it alright.

Bar the occasional self loathing of working for one of Fleet Street's more dubious organs, there are some advantages to the day job.  I can connect with people who might be able to give me work.  In the last couple of weeks I've met the Commissioning Editors for print and online travel sections and also someone in the book reviewing section who might be able to help me out if I ever pull my finger out and get a 2nd draft of the book together.  There are other advantages too.  I can walk to work, the day rate is pretty good and the hours are 10-6.  So, plenty of time to write around the day job, you might think.  But here's the thing - I've discovered that I have no self discipline. 

Post waking up and ablutions, there's at least an hour there in the morning to write but I can easily eat that up by taking more time over breakfast (see what I did there?) and/or making sandwiches for lunch.  Then there's the sports news (8.35am) and the weather (8.45am) that it seems absolutely crucial to watch.  It's also important to keep a clean inbox right?  That way you're more organised.  No problem: I can easily piss thirty minutes up the wall deleting spam and writing replies I meant to send a week ago.  Not to mention Twitter and Facebook.  It's obviously of vital importance to keep up with social media.

But even if I've somehow wasted the morning, I'm usually home around 7pm so there's some spare hours to get creative.  That is, if I didn't have to feed myself - can't be imaginative on an empty stomach can ya?  Post cooking, eating and washing up, there's the food coma to contend with, so while I'm digesting I might hit the remote.  You would not believe how many great things there are to watch on TV.  Sometimes there's a film on that I've only seen maybe six or seven times but it's a classic right?  I couldn't not watch it really.  I can do some writing after.  But then there's 'Family Guy'.  Oh, go on then, I won't watch both episodes, just one and then, then, God you know what, I'm real sleepy all of a sudden.  I might have to hit the hay.  I'll do some writing in the morning...

Before you know it I'm back at my desk at the Mail cursing myself for not getting some writing done.  But there's always tomorrow, right?

Out of My Box

Before I started writing, my inbox only ever contained two types of emails: those from friends and junk. No I didn't want to apply for Dogshit University in the States, no I didn't think a credit card with 27% APR was an attractive proposal and no I didn't want to buy some super erection guaranteeing blue pills that couldn't be called Viagra because of copyright infringement. Ok, maybe I thought about the last one.

There are now less emails from friends, mainly due to Skype, Messenger and Facebook chat, not to mention dwindling attention spans that make it easier to text or tweet.  Plus kids - very time consuming, those little critters, it would seem.  The junk is of a very different nature.  It's my own fault really.  You stick your contact details out there in the hope that someone will give you a writing gig and before long you're on the mailing list of every Tomasina, Richard and Harriet.  I've had press releases recently about a drug that helps with Tinnitus and an art trail in Walthamstow.  Proper random or what?

The trouble is, given that I'm interested in a lot of different stuff, I get hooked into a lot and keep the emails, thinking 'Yeah, I'll RSVP to that later, that sounds really interesting' and all that ever happens is a week later I've got an inbox full of crap and I've missed all the good stuff because I didn't take note of the date.  Right now I've got a Techmeetups Mobile App Expo thats looking pretty good to me.  I'll never end up going. 

But here's the good bit.  As well as all the mindless distraction, there's a wealth of wonderful things.  In the last two weeks I've had invites to press trips to New Mexico, Greece and Montenegro.  I know why I get these things: I've done some travel writing.  But I also get things like free albums to download (hello Autokratz - haven't listened to it yet but will get around to it, honest), free listen links to other music (cheers Hed Kandi) and the occasional gem that I really love.  I've no idea why PRs send me these things but I see them as a kind of reward for sifting through and deleting all the other crap that I get sent.  Definitely worth 79p on Itunes if it was an option is the Telemachus track, the video for which is above.  Not only a great tune but also made me very nostalgic for stoned sunny days in my first London neighbourhood - Brixton.  Telemachus got in touch as he knows a rapper I wrote about a while back called Skandal.

As one of the Editors who I've written for wrote to me recently 'There's no money in this game anymore, it's all about the perks.'  One of the nicer ones I've had the pleasure to experience recently is here.

Bad Mood Rising

A couple of sunny Saturdays ago, the Mrs and I caught up with some friends who we hadn't seen for a while.  The sun was out and we were heading for Syon Park for a picnic and this is usually the sort of thing that makes me happy; some good conversation with people I love, the chance to pig out on food, some booze and the sun warm on my skin.  The only problem was that I was in a funk.  Down days are rare for me (you only have to switch on the news to see get a sense of perspective) but when they come, they're hard to shake.  My usual solution is to be on my own.  That way I can skulk around feeling gloomy and I don't have to risk snapping at anyone and pissing them off too.  Not having this option as the four of us sat in a traffic jam trying to get out of town, I eventually started bitching.
The gist of it was that I didn't really feel like I was living.  Forty hours a week in an office with no natural light moving things around on a screen was doing nobody any good apart from the people who appreciated their TV guide coming out on a Saturday (I'm working on the picture desk at Weekend, the Saturday Mail supplement).  There had been a lot of sunny weather that week and while the blossoms were erupting to soften hard London streets and deliver their lovely scent over the usual smell of exhausts and rubbish, I was inside.  That wasn't living.  I'd been reading Tom Hodgkinson's 'How to be Free' at the time as well and I don't think that helped (though it's a great read).

Your friends have a habit of supporting you, or when necessary, telling you to stop being such a bloody miserable bastard.  In this case, my friend Ali reminded me of something that I'd said to her a couple of years previous when I started thinking about writing for a living. Somehow, the Costa Rica commission had come up in conversation.
'You what?' she said, incredulous, in her no-nonsense Manchester accent (she gets more Manc when she's being forthright about something).
'So, do you remember a couple of years ago when I asked you what kind of writing you wanted to do and you said to me that you'd like to be in the position where you were doing travel writing and that people were asking you to go to a certain country and write about it for them?'
She arched an eyebrow and didn't need to say more.  I got it: she was telling me that I wasn't doing too badly.  It did the trick.  I got over myself and all concerned were able to get on and enjoy the day.

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In other news, the Texas travel piece finally got printed.  You can read it here.  I also got asked to start writing a blog for the Square Mile people which is here.  Lastly Pass Me On continues here.

Pass Me On (and other news)

It's very difficult to write around a 40 hour week job.   What with trying to spend quality time with the love of your life, the gym (for the knee - nearly there now), seeing friends and the temptations of Twitter, the pub and TV, you really have to fight hard to be imaginative and creative.  A blunt person might say that my priorities demonstrate how much I actually do want to write for a living.  If I wanted it more, I'd cut out some of that other shit and just get on with it.  There's a lot of stuff out there written about writers and procrastination and that particular truth does indeed hurt.

But when I can, I'm still doing the writing.  Not for a living so much (although there is a pretty delicious travel commission coming up - more of that in a minute) but hopefully planting some seeds for the future.  Namely, a new blog.  It's called Pass Me On and you can find it here. It's a simple idea - I interview someone and they pass me on to someone else that is famous and hopefully interesting to talk to.  15 minutes on the phone (maybe in person at some point), Q&A.  I like the idea of it because there is such a lot of untrue bollocks that ends up in magazines, so this is all straight from the horses mouth.  I'm hoping that the interviewees will like it for that reason too.  And I'm also hoping that some Commissioning Editor sees it, thinks it's a good idea and wants to pay me to publish it.  It's part inspired by those 'in their own words pieces' you see in supplements.  Pretty sure that 'This Much I Know' in the Observer was the first one, now there is 'What I've Learnt' in the Saturday Times mag and I think the Mail on Sunday mag Live has ripped the idea off too.

Apart from that I've been asked to write a blog for the Square Mile people and I'm off to Costa Rica in the first week of May to write a piece on voluntourism for The Express.  If you're ever in doubt that a blog can be a good idea, that trip came as a result of Pass Me On.  I mailed an alert to every contact I've made to date and Duncan at the Express came back, said he liked the idea and did I want to go to Honduras (later changed to Costa Rica after safety worries)?  Which means I've got Gary Lineker to thank for a trip to Central America.  Bet that's a sentence that's never been written before.

Writing and Not Writing

Stretch before working out.

Even when I'm not really writing, I'm writing.  Twittering, emailing, commenting on other blogs.  Every day my fingers are on the keys in some respect.  And even though I'm trying to hold down a non-writing 9-5 in order to pay for a few things (like a wedding), I'm trying to keep the writing going.  The first thing is a new project for a not so new year.  It sprang out of the interview with Danielle Lineker that was on here last week.  'I've got hold of one celebrity', I thought 'People are interested in celebrities - so what if I could get hold of another one?'  So Pass Me On was born.  I asked Danielle if she would pass me on to someone famous, she passed me on to her old man and now Gary has said that he'll pass me on to someone else.  So I'm hoping the idea is going to have legs, that someone in publishing will also think it's a great idea and that it might, just might lead to a few more commissions. Hey I can dream can't I?

Three people have already said it's a good idea.  Admittedly two of them were friends on Facebook, but the third was an actual commissioning Editor.  If you're ever in doubt that keeping a blog is a good idea, here's an argument in favour.  I've said before on here that a regular reminder that I still exist and am keen to write can be no bad thing.  Well, an email went out to everyone on the CIWFAL mailing list about Pass Me On yesterday and by the end of the day I had an offer to go to Central America to write a travel piece.  Funny sort of a day yesterday - nearly got killed on my bike in the morning, had the opportunity to go to Botswana taken out of my hands, got a bollocking of sorts at work and then had that opportunity land in my inbox.  Maybe that's karma (man).

15 minutes with Danielle Lineker

Calm down it's not that kind of 15 minutes - she's a married woman for God's sake.  I met Danielle at a photo shoot a few weeks ago and I thought she was cool - friendly and unaffected.  So I asked her PR if I could interview her.  For those of you who don't read the tabloids, Danielle's surname was once Bux and she was a model.  Then she met and married Gary Lineker, who, before he was on Match of the Day, used to score the odd goal for England and mopped up Gazza's tears when he cried.  Now it has to be said, Danielle is pretty easy on the eye.  The paparazzi, noticing this, started training their long lenses on Gary and Danielle when they went on holiday.  From there it was only a hop and a skip to coming third in 'Hell's Kitchen', presenting a show on step-families for the Beeb and apparently guesting on 'Loose Women' (although I never get to see that as I'm always at work).    Now she's jumped into acting, currently touring in 'Calendar Girls', the stage play about the Yorkshire WI women who stripped off for a charity calendar.  She gave me a ring on a Friday night and we ended up talking about the buzz of acting, fame, booby dresses and Shakespeare.

-So how's it going?

I don't think my first night was the finest performance I've ever done in my life but...Gary's looking at me as if to say 'Dont talk shit'!

-When we met before I asked you how you would feel about speaking in front of a crowd.

I was nervous but the girls have been great. Jennifer Ellison, Lisa Riley and Bernie Nolan have been like sisters to me throughout the tour. They've been looking after me and suggesting that I try this or try that. You worry when you walk into a group of girls and you're the new girl but they've been really welcoming.  We were all nervous - even these girls who have been out there doing it for 10 years were nervous as well. Lisa gave me some Kalms for the nerves but I think you've just got to get out there and get through your first night.  Performing in front of an audience was a real buzz and I think that's what people get addicted to.

-So a lot of adrenalin going on?

Absolutely. It's very intoxicating.

-In the Calendar Girls film there's a lot of trepidation about stripping off in front of the photographer. Do you have to do that onstage?

My part is the only character who keeps her clothes on. I don't think I could have dealt with that, being naked on my stage debut, no way.

-What made you want to act?

Its been a feeling since I was six years old. I was always performing as a kid and then I got to my teenage years and I got alopecia and completely lost my confidence, got very introverted and shy and that's what held me back.  I loved all the musicals, Mary Poppins, the Wizard of Oz, Annie. One of my fondest memories is dancing round my living room with my brothers and sisters and then I always loved Drama and English literature as a teenager. I was 16 when I lost my hair and it was about a year before it grew back. I got to about 28 and so many people had said to me that I should do it..(stops to talk to Joe McGann, who's walked into her dressing room)

-Do you have a favourite actor?

I tell you who I think is really good, Vincent Cassell who is in Black Swan at the moment. I think he's fantastic.

-I saw it the other night, it scared the bejesus out of me.

I know everybody's going on about that but I thought it got a bit ridiculous when she was growing feathers. It's great but when she looked in the mirror and the feathers started growing out of her arms I just thought 'Oh come on!' I thought it got a bit ridiculous then. It's shot beautifully though. Natalie Portman is one of my favourites too. She plays it well.

-You haven't had any freaky hallucinations while appearing in Calendar Girls?

No, I've had dreams where I forget my lines and can't speak on stage. It wakes me up. For about a week I kept dreaming I was stood on the stage and couldn't speak.

-You've been in the show for a couple of weeks now so is it becoming easier?

The first couple of shows I just wasn't present on stage and now there are times when I'm really enjoying it and I'm, oh I hate to say 'In the Moment' because it sound actor-y and wanky but there are times when I know I'm completely in the moment and that's when you get the buzz of performing live. I'm hoping that the more I perform that'll happen for more than a moment or a minute and it'll be for the whole time I'm on stage.

-The WI ladies had a taste of fame so I wondered how you felt about it.

For me, its weird, I don't see myself as a famous person, I'm just married to someone who is very famous. There are obviously lots of advantages. I know I wouldn't be in this play if I wasn't Gary's wife. There are lots of things I'm thankful for. The modelling contract with La Senza came as a result of me being photographed in Barbados with Gary. I find it hard to look on the bad side. You get the press intrusion but you learn how to deal with it.

-Is it scary when you come out of restaurant and you've got a bunch of photographers waiting for you?

Completely and I was very naïve. People might believe me or not but when I first met I knew he was a footballer so because of the celebrity side to it, I wasn't sure about dating him.

-Had you thought about the level of press intrusion there might be?

Absolutely not. Once we'd got pictured together it was like 'Oh My God what's happened to my life?' The intrusion was everywhere, people I went to school were approached by journalists, people tried to see my brother in hospital saying they work for the Mirror or the Mail – they didn't, they were just freelancers trying it on, trying to talk to nurses to get stories. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat and went to the doctors in the end to give me something to help me out. I knew he was a footballer, I knew there would be some interest but nothing like the interest that there was.

-Did it ever make you think 'Is it worth it'?

I remember Gary coming to see me just after we'd been pictured in the News of the World and I told him 'I can't understand this, its not like you're Brad Pitt or anything'! I knew he was really special but there were times when I thought I couldn't handle the celebrity side of it.   He's had it for a long time so he just helped me through it. If the relationship hadn't had been as strong as it is, you probably would split up in that early stage because its really difficult.

-So in a way it reaffirmed that the relationship was a good one?

It did yeah.

-When you went out in 'that dress' did you think that you might see yourself in a few of the papers?

No. We were getting ready to go out. The dress was really draped and you couldn't see much. I asked Gary if it was ok, it wasn't booby - I wasn't going to go out with my boobs out with his son and all his best friends! We drank so much as it was his 50^th birthday and I think throughout the night the corset underneath had slipped and the drape of the dress had gone down. I remember I was so concerned about not appearing drunk I hadn't even thought about the dress.

-You looked pretty together but Mr Lineker looked like he'd had a few.

Well it was his 50^th...

-Do you hope being in 'Calendar Girls' might lead to other things?

I'd love to do some more theatre, some Shakespeare, like Portia in Julius Caesar.

-That sounds like quite a heavyweight role.

It is. I've had two years of training and my coach was very classical.  My Director in Calendar Girls has said to me 'You're so serious Danielle, you need to lighten up.' It's the way I've been taught, Stanislavski method, so I'd love to put some of that training into practice.

(In Stanislavski's system, actors deeply analyse the motivations and emotions of their characters in order to personify them with psychological realism and emotional authenticity). It's very difficult in the acting world. I think people would look at me and say 'Oh she's a bit commercial'.

-It would be a very unexpected move for you and in a way, the knives would be out – you'd be up for that kind of challenge would you?
Yeah. The part that I'm doing at the moment is comedy and I think making people laugh is harder. I would love to do a Shakespeare part.

-You should get your PR to have a word in someone's ear.
They'd say (adopts luvvie type voice) 'I don't bloody think so! DANIELLE BLOODY LINEKER!'


And with that, I left her to it. The usual tabloid story for celebrities in this country is, if you can't find any dirt on them at the beginning (and with Danielle, the hacks came up short), build them up, then knock 'em down.  Pretty sure that Danielle has that sussed, which is why it was surprising when she said she wanted to do Shakespeare - it proves she's ready for whatever criticism comes her way and I liked her for that.